nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
