Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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