i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
