Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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