You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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