I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The ass gains better be worth it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
