mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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