I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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