....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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