I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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