Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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