So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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