i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
