whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
