Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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