words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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