How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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