I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
