You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
