iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
