You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
