i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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