so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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