Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
