What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
