how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
