my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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