White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
