The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
