I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
