Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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