I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
