Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
