She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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