It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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