Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
