all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
