btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
