Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
