Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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