...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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