Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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