I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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