Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
