just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
