the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
