Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Green mimosas i think yes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
