you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
