theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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