i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
