He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
