My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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