My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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