So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I lost the right to judge tonight
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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