Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
