I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
