its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
