I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
