Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
