I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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