Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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